Parenting and Self Esteem

There is a strong link between parent's behavior and their child's self-esteem. Self-esteem is something that you need all throughout your life. Children who have a close relationship with their fathers have higher self-esteem than those who are not as close. Only children also tend to have higher self-esteem, because they are usually very close with their parents. The more the parent is involved in a child's life their self-esteem usually goes up while those who are less involved are not as confident in themselves. Parent's are so important to a child's development. Their warmth, communication, acceptance, and love are some of the most important things a parent can do for a child. When parents show they really care about what is going on then that will be apparent to the child and they will know that they are loved. As parents in our world today is can be hard to take the time to spend with children, but it doesn't matter how much the world changes. Children always need to feel loved and if their parent's won't provide it then they will go somewhere else to find it.

Education and Homemakers

When I tell people that I want to be a stay at home mom, they ask "then why are you even going to college." The world today has this mind set that being a mother means you don't need to do anything and that you don't have an education. They don't see how you can use your degree, if you choose to pursue one. A mother's degree can be used to help teach her children and to be an example to them of the importance of gaining an education. If we get into a mindset that a mother does not have to earn a college degree, then when will it stop? Would it get to the point of questioning if they need an education at all for motherhood? What the mother's teach their children is potentially how the world will be shaped. They are shaping the children that will someday become the world's new leaders. A mother's area of interest can teach their children so many important skills and abilities. Our educations can be used in so many important ways and that includes raising children.

Communication

You would think that most of our communication is through our words right? Wrong. 51% of our communication is actually non-verbal. 35% of what we mean is done through our tone and only 14% is done through our actual words. This is why it is so important to use our words wisely and try our best to express our feelings. There is a correlation between a satisfaction of marriage and the level of communication. Learning to listen is one of the most crucial parts of becoming successful in communication.  Don't be passive while listening, take the initiative. You need to watch for nonverbal signs as well as what they are actually saying. You need to avoid distractions and focus on what the other person is saying. Control your emotions and your tendency to react before the other person is done talking. Be willing to ask questions and rephrase to figure out what the person meant when they said a certain thing. Make sure to create an overview of what the person said so you can have a complete understanding. Finally, you just need to practice. The more often you use that skill the better you will get at it.

How to Act in a Crisis

Our lives can be very hard and very stressful. Many bad things can happen over the course of our lives. This could be an accident, death, or something like divorce. Then how are we supposed to handle these types of situations? We have to control how we respond in the situations even if we can't change the outcome of whatever had happened. The family needs to do their best to stay as close as possible.... instead of pulling away from one another. Three different results can come out of  a crisis. The first being higher maturity and the members have grown and learned. The second could be they are at the same level as before and just have coped with it. The third is a lower level; the family members have along term negative reaction. I have seen all of these reactions just in my family. When I was young my parents divorced and it had a huge effect on my family. Some siblings stepped up and did what they could to help. Some just tried there best to go on and learn to cope. A few of them totally reacted in a negative way and still struggle with it even 10 years later. I think in a crisis it is important to communicate with everyone in the family and try to help them the best you can. If everyone looks after one another, then the family will come out stronger and closer than before.

The double standard

In the U.S. society we see a lot of double standards. In many aspects men have always seem to be favored over women. The same is true in the case of premarital sex. The boys were supposed to have some experience while the girls were supposed to stay completely clean. I have seen this a lot growing up and girls are called bad names while guys are praised for it. It has become more equal as time has gone on, but the double standard is definitely still there. It was interesting to see that based on a survey most people thought that premarital sex was not okay and even less thought it was okay for women. In today's world people are forgetting that doing those things before marriage can have a great effect on how you act when you do eventually get married. When you have been hurt again and again after doing those intimate things it can cause the person to be more closed off. They are less likely to trust. There is a reason it is meant only for after marriage and if we can just remember that there could be potential for happier marriages.

Why Marriage?

To start out I am going to talk about why people want to and choose to get married. One of the first reasons is the need for Intimacy. Over time marriage has become more about love rather than  money and politics. People need to feel that connection and strong relationship with someone else. Another reason is because of social expectations that people will look at you negatively if you remain single. All societies have some type of institution similar to marriage and growing up we are taught that one day we will be married. Social ideals and personal fulfillment is similar to social expectations because you learn those principles from the culture that you grow up in. They still see marriage as an important step of life. An obvious reason is a desire for children and they want to start their own families. A final reason is they see it as a way out of the problems they are currently having with life. I think it is so important to go into marriage for the right reasons, so there can be a bigger chance for happiness and success.

All About Love

This week what I found particularly interesting was when we talked about the different meanings of love and the different types of  lovers. The first meaning of love is storge which is like the love between parents and their children. With this one you are willing to do anything to protect them and care for them. The 2nd type is Philia which is the love between friends, a kind of brotherly love. Eros is the 3rd type of love which is what everyone thinks of when love is mentioned. It is all about passion and longing to always be in the presence of the other person. Finally there is Agape which is actually not based on the attractiveness of one another. It is to act on behalf of the well being of someone else, whether you like the person or not. We were asked in class which of these types of love that we would want in our own marriages. At first I automatically said Agape because that is the kind of love that lasts and doesn't fade like passionate love does, but in an ideal marriage I would want some of all of these. I would want a spouse that would protect me, be my best friend, care for me no matter what and one  that I would always be attracted to. Then there are the six types of lovers. The erotic lover is one who focuses mainly on the physical and sexual parts of the relationship. There is the ludic lover who sees love as a more casual thing and does not get very deeply involved. storgic lovers have a more quiet affection for each other and tends to grow slowly, but very stable. The manic lover is focused with feelings of jealousy and switches between ecstasy and despair in the relationship. A pragmatic lover is one who will take "careful stock" of one another and tries to find a person that meets the characteristics that they want. The final type is the agapic lover acts for the well being of the other person without wanting or expecting anything in return. I thought it was really relevant to look and see what one I was most like. Another point that my teacher made that really hit me was when a student asked a question about interracial marriages. He told us that race did not matter we are all part of the human race. What mattered was that we choose someone who had similar cultures with. We should pick someone that we could create the best culture or environment with. I learned so much about love and the differences between one that will last and one that will crumble. Someday I will be able to use what I learned to build a long happy marriage with my future spouse.

This past week we talked a lot about gender roles and the importance of them. I think that it is important to have both a mother and a father in a family structure. Both bring different perspectives to the table. A mother has more of a nurturing side and the father is the provider. I did not have this structure growing up and it really affected the way my childhood was growing up. There was always a constant strain on every member of the family trying to make up for the empty space that was left. Both parents are in a child's life to help them in different ways and to shape them into the person they are supposed to become. When there is a father and mother they are ablemtpmwork together and do whstnis bestnfornthe family. Also, this is the way that Heavenly Father wants his plan for families to be like. Not every circumstance is always going to be ideal, but as we try to keep this structure all of our children will have the bet future they can possibly have.

Why is family so important?

Well, I guess I should introduce myself and my blog. I am the youngest of eight children, so we can say that I have had A LOT of funny stories/experiences that I will be sharing throughout this blog. I love my family with all my heart and I wouldn't trade them for the world! Currently, I am a freshman at BYU-I and I love the life, but not the endless work that goes with it. I will be writing about the different topics that we discuss in my family relations class and how they affect us. This week I decided that I would just start with the family and why it is so important. The first thing I thought of was that it is the center of God's plan for us. In one of my church handbooks it says: "He established families to bring us happiness, to help us learn correct principle in a loving atmosphere, and to prepare us for eternal life." This is such an amazing gift that is given to us and we always have someone there to love and care for us. For me family was essential to my happiness and to my success. Growing up I have learned so much from my siblings and their influence has shaped the person I am today and the person I am still trying to become. In family it is essential to stay united and to strengthen and help one another. My parents were always supportive of whatever I chose to pursue and encouraged me to do my best. Siblings were always there if I needed help or encouragement. If the home life is not a positive one or one that you want then I would encourage you to learn from those things. Try to change it now or when you have your own family. Elder David A. Bednar said " Feeling the security and constancy of love from a spouse, a parent, or a child is a rich blessing. Such love nurtures and sustains faith in God. Such love is a source of strength and casts out fear (see 1 John 4:18). Such love is the desire of every human soul.” This is why family is so important. We learn, grow, experience love, loss, and hardships. All of that is done with the support and love of those around you. It makes all of it easier to bear. It can be hard to always love and get a long with them, but I know as we do our best to love our families life will be a much better experience!